They came today. Pictures of Rosie's first Mother. I've been wanting them ever since I heard that they existed and believed that they could be an important link for Rosie someday.
I don't think I was quite prepared for their impact, though. I can't even begin to adequately describe the emotions they bring out. The best I can say is that they HIT me and leave me feeling so conflicted. I am so grateful to have them to share with Rosie (although Gareth and I have yet to decide when the perfect time to do that is), so relieved that our adoption agency hadn't lost them, so happy to find that the pictures are actually of her and Rosie together and so sad that I didn't get the opportunity to meet her birth mother. But more than anything, they leave me longing for heaven.
Prior to adopting Rosie and my trip to Ethiopia I loved life and honestly couldn't understand hearing people say that they longed for heaven. Not that I didn't want to go there someday, I just wasn't in any hurry to get there. But, an encounter with children starving on the streets, and other children who are starving for the love of a family can change all of that. And so now, I find myself conflicted-celebrating the addition of another piece of the puzzle to share with Rosie, mourning the state of a fallen world where my precious girl's first Mother would have to make the choice to give up her child knowing that she would not live to raise her, loving the joy that Rosie brings to our life, and longing for heaven where the sorrow and stains of this life will be no more.
He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears. Isaiah 25:8