Thursday, July 23, 2009


They came today. Pictures of Rosie's first Mother. I've been wanting them ever since I heard that they existed and believed that they could be an important link for Rosie someday.

I don't think I was quite prepared for their impact, though. I can't even begin to adequately describe the emotions they bring out. The best I can say is that they HIT me and leave me feeling so conflicted. I am so grateful to have them to share with Rosie (although Gareth and I have yet to decide when the perfect time to do that is), so relieved that our adoption agency hadn't lost them, so happy to find that the pictures are actually of her and Rosie together and so sad that I didn't get the opportunity to meet her birth mother. But more than anything, they leave me longing for heaven.

Prior to adopting Rosie and my trip to Ethiopia I loved life and honestly couldn't understand hearing people say that they longed for heaven. Not that I didn't want to go there someday, I just wasn't in any hurry to get there. But, an encounter with children starving on the streets, and other children who are starving for the love of a family can change all of that. And so now, I find myself conflicted-celebrating the addition of another piece of the puzzle to share with Rosie, mourning the state of a fallen world where my precious girl's first Mother would have to make the choice to give up her child knowing that she would not live to raise her, loving the joy that Rosie brings to our life, and longing for heaven where the sorrow and stains of this life will be no more.

He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears. Isaiah 25:8


  1. For us, the decision to refer to Rosie's birth Mom as her 1st mother was a very deliberate choice. I wanted to honor her place in Rosie's life. Rosie may not have many memories of her as she gets older, but her first mother was very much a part of her life for her first 2 years. She cared for her until illness meant that she could no longer care for her or feed her. Knowing that she was dying, she did the best thing she could for her. God is Sovereign, and we are grateful for the chance to make Rosie a part of our family. Being her 2nd Mother feels like a privilege for me, not second best or second place at all, simply an opportunity given by God to be the other half of a pair of women who have been given the gift of calling Rosie daughter.

  2. Sorry..I will learn from this for when our time comes to bring home our Children. Thanks for sharing your reasonings.

  3. No need to apologize! I posted your comment and wasn't offended. Your intent was to encourage me, and you did. Several years ago I would have never thought of finding myself in the position of having anything good to say about a mother who would give up her child. Funny how God can use time and experience to teach us.