I Love Homeschooling Because...........

 

This picture is a perfect example of one of the big reasons I love homeschooling! 

Last night was Connection Sunday, our church's monthly small group get together.  This year, our family is hosting a (not so small) group, which meant 36 people at our house for an evening of fellowship, praying for each other, talking through what we've been learning from God's Word, dinner together, and lots more visiting.  By the time the last friends have left, the house is tidied up, and the kids finally get their showers, Connection Sunday inevitably means a later-than-normal bedtime for kids who have had a busier-than-normal Sunday, which leads to a sleepier-than-normal Monday morning.

As it was, because we homeschool, I was able to let them have an extra hour of sleep and then have an hour of quiet play upstairs while they came around.  Instead of tired, not-really-ready-to-learn kids who were forced out of the house early, I now have well-rested children who are refreshed, thrilled to have built their best train track ever, and ready to tackle some slightly more "formal" learning. 

Homeschooling gives me the freedom to embrace what is really important, opening up our home for hospitality and fellowship without worrying about the time on the clock, knowing that I can adjust the schedule to ensure that the kids will still get the rest they need to be at their best for learning. 

Having 2 very able students who need to be pushed and challenged and 1 struggling learner who requires almost constant interaction and supervision means there never seem to be enough hours to get in all of the "learning" written into my lesson plans.  I don't always do a good job at  relaxing and choosing relationship over schedules, but when I do, it is such a blessing! 

As we finish up this school year and I begin drawing up plans for the 2013-2014 school year, one of the challenges I have set for myself is to more fully take advantage of the freedoms that a "homeschooling lifestyle" offers, like the blessing of not having to choose between hospitality/ relationships and well-rested/well-educated children.

Disclaimer:  The fact that I (usually) love homeschooling and occasionally blog about why I love it and how it blesses our family in no way means that I believe that everyone has to homeschool their children or that you are not acting in your child's/family's best interests if you choose not to, so please don't send me nasty e-mails or post snarky facebook comments about us "judgmental" homeschoolers :-) 

Anniversary, Honesty, Psychology

This week we mark the 4th anniversary of Rosie becoming part of our family. I had a really hard time not choking on the word "celebrate" this year when I asked Rosie how she wanted to celebrate her "Gotcha Day". When we adopted Rosie, we added a beautiful, funny, spirited little girl to our family. And for those who know our family best, it is also no secret that we added a little girl who bears the wounds of an early life marked by death, loss, and upheaval. In the 12 months between when Rosie's birthmother surrendered her for adoption and we brought her to the States, Rosie was moved 4 times. The last 2 moves were into orphanages/a new home where she didn't speak the same language and couldn't have explained to her what was happening or why. Even for an adult, this would be pretty traumatic; Rosie lived it as a toddler, when she should have been busy forming healthy, permanent attachments to her parents.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is a wonderful picture of God's grace and redemption, and adding Rosie to our family has brought a whole new understanding of just how much my Heavenly Father loves me and pursues a relationship with me.

If you look at adoption brochures and blogs, you will often see the beautiful, happy side of adoption.

What you don't see as often is the reality that adoption is born out of loss and pain and heartache. But the truth is, that before Rosie could become our daughter, another family had to lose their daughter. Before Rosie was 2, her birthfather would die, and before the age of 3, her birthmother would have to admit that she, too, was dying and could no longer care for her daughter. Before Rosie could experience the joy of life in a family, she had to experience the upheaval of losing her first family and everything she knew. This painful, ugly side of adoption is part of the picture of redemption, too. Were it not for the pain, heartache, and separation that sin brings, I would have no need of redemption. If I came bearing no scars and wounds, with no sin and struggle, I would have no need of grace.

The first year that Rosie was with us was hard. Much of what we dealt with went unseen by others. In public, Rosie presented a completely different side to the one we saw at home. On several occasions when people would ask how it was going, if I was honest, I was told that I "just didn't understand kids" or "well, remember, you signed up for this". Hearing family tell us that “if they had Rosie, they thought she’d do just fine” was infuriating.  Watching Rosie cling to everyone else, being sweet and funny and affectionate with complete strangers, while at home she was creating complete upheaval was difficult. Rosie perfected the art of projectile vomiting at will and used it as her personal weapon any time life didn't go exactly her way. She channeled most of her insecurity at Nathan and worked hard to get him into trouble, ensuring that our happy, easygoing little boy became sullen, withdrawn, and angry. Before she even had enough English to form complete sentences she accused Gareth of beating her and twisting her arms by miming the actions (accompanied by sobs and tears) to a choir teacher. Admitting that she wasn't forming appropriate attachments to us was hard. I cried, A LOT. If you ask Gareth about that first year, he will tell you that there were many evenings when he would walk through the door and I would say to him, "Honey, I'm sorry. Supper's on the table. I have to get out of here. I will be back. I promise." And, I would quite literally flee the house. (Bless him. My husband is truly a prince among men, and he always let me go, telling me to take as long as I needed, just to be sure I was parked somewhere safe if I was going to cry.)

We put Nathan and Rosie in Mother's Day Out in separate classrooms to give everyone a break. I stopped letting Rosie be in a room with the boys if I couldn't see them. I read every book I could find on the subject of attachment. We had Rosie put on a medication that stopped her reflux and removed her ability to projectile vomit at will. And, slowly, we made some progress. But, there were still cracks in the beautiful picture. The days when Rosie would hug someone she barely knew and say to them, "I wish I live with you. I wish you be my Daddy", the moments when she didn't get what she wanted at the store and would literally leap out of the cart to try to hug whichever stranger was closest while she screamed and sobbed, the frustration of watching her turn into a completely different, adorable, obedient child when we were at church, the concern that came over watching her shed no tears while the rest of the family cried when our cat died, the incessant chatter and attempts to constantly create an atmosphere of upheaval in our home, the guilt that came from knowing that I had "done this" to our boys, and the need to guard carefully how honest we were when most people asked how things were going were constant companions.

Knowing that you are in the center of God's will makes things bearable and worthwhile, it doesn't always make them easy to swallow, though! And yes, I know that statement marks me out as less than perfect, without a perfect faith, but it's the truth. It is part of what God has been teaching me, to rest in His will and accept EVERYTHING that He allows into my life as part of His perfect plan, sifted through the fingers of a loving God for my good and for His glory. Not that I always manage to approach life this way (see previous statement about not feeling like celebrating Rosie's 4th Gotcha Day).

Much has changed. Rosie has grown. She has begun to trust. It's been almost two years since she told someone else that she wished they were her parents, we have seen her shed genuine tears several times, she and her brothers enjoy a fairly typical sibling relationship, and on several occasions she has said, "I love you" and offered hugs without seeing her brothers do it first.

But, the reality is, that there are still cracks in our beautiful picture. Rosie has grown so much, but we still have so much work to do. Now in 1^st grade, the effect that Rosie’s difficulty in fully trusting us is having on her anxiety level and her ability to homeschool effectively with me is very evident.  And, we don't have all of the answers. To this end, we marked Rosie's 4th anniversary home by beginning work with a child psychologist who specializes in working with children dealing with reactive attachment disorder. We are very grateful that there is a doctor in our home town who is not only a specialist in this rare field, but also an adoptive parent himself. We don't have a full picture yet, but his encouragement to us today was that Rosie had begun to form a healthy attachment to us and that we were early enough in the game that we should be able to work together to make lots of progress.

It would have been easier not to write this post. It isn't always popular to admit that you are seeking help from a psychologist, and, to a certain extent, I get that. I don't like labels, and I do think that it is far easier to medicate away our problems instead of doing the hard, messy work of dealing with the underlying issues.  It is certainly far too popular to give bad behavior the name of an "illness" instead of calling it for what it is: sin.

In the Christian community, psychologists can be especially unpopular. After all, surely if we just sought God and trusted Him completely He could and would heal the broken places in Rosie's heart. And, if we were parenting her in a godly way, surely we wouldn't have these problems. Besides, what if the psychologist fills our head with all sorts of ungodly psychological mumbo jumbo???  This view, too, has some truth to it. Ultimately, complete healing will only come from the Great Physician. We do need God's wisdom in parenting all of our children. And, it would certainly be easy to find plenty of ungodly mumbo jumbo if we listened to every psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor/therapist that came along.

So, why bother putting this out here for all the world to see? Because it's the truth. Because those of you that know and love Rosie will be hopefully be spurred to pray more fervently for her (and for us) knowing the truth. Because there shouldn't be shame in admitting that we are seeking psychological help for Rosie, and hiding it away perpetuates the idea that we (or she) should somehow be ashamed or embarrassed. Because I don't ever want to be guilty of presenting only the beautiful, happy side of adoption--This can be the reality, and it does a great disservice to those considering adoption to not tell the whole truth about what can sometimes happen. Because I believe that it is possible to trust fully in the Great Physician to work in my daughter's heart and life, and I believe that He can use a psychologist as part of the process. Because I am working on embracing Reactive Attachment Disorder as a part of God's plan for Rosie- a gift to draw her to Himself and show her His unchanging, unfailing love for her and a part of His plan for me-a gift given by a loving Heavenly Father who is refining my character, smoothing off the rough edges, purging the selfishness and sinful inclinations, and working all things for my good.

 

 

 

Everything's Funnier in Your Underwear

The boys' room has had the same decorations since we moved back to the States right after Nathan was born.  It was really cute, but 8 years on is looking more than a little well-worn.  They've been talking about what theme they'd like a new bedroom to have, so for Nathan's birthday, we decided to let Nathan pick a theme and get all of the paint, bedding, and decor to give them a "big boy" bedroom. 

He chose an outer space theme, and we picked out some great navy and white star bedding, a planet mobile, some glow-in-the-dark stars for the ceiling, a spaceship for his chest of drawers, and an alien throw-pillow that just really amused Nate for some reason.

Today, we took advantage of a free Saturday and went to pick out paint.  Having picked out three different shades of blue, we came home, and the boys decided that they really needed to be full particpants in what they have dubbed :  Operation Bedroom Redecoration (spoken in dramatic voices, right before they high fived each other). 

I was somewhat dubious about getting a nine-year old and eight-year old involved in any indoor project that involves paint in a carpeted room.  In the end, though, I decided that it was a skill they did need to learn and that it would be a chance to spend some fun, quality time together.  They had fun helping me lay plastic and tape around skirting boards and light fixtures on the test wall.

As we got ready to open the sample jars, I let my nerves get the better of me and insisted that the boy strip down to their skivvies before helping actually apply paint.  This was, apparently, the highlight of their day!  There was much laughter, dancing, and goofy grinning as they stripped down and then helped put up the test samples.  They've been grinning about it ever since.  When I came out to wash up paint brushes, I told their Daddy about it, and he was amused that I didn't automatically know that if you're a boy then everything is automatically funnier if done wearing only your underwear. 

In the end, I didn't take any pictures, as it probably isn't really kosher to post photos of your kids in their underpants on the web.  I'll get some pictures up of the room once we've got it done, though!

So much fun to be Mom to boys, especially these two! 

Noah's Thoughts on Grandparenting

Noah's journal assignment this week asked him if he had ever thought that he might be a grandparent one day and what kind of grandpaent he would like to be.  Here is his entry:

Dear Mom and Dad,
I have never thought about being a grandparent.  I think I would like to be a Grandfather who would be there for my grandchildren.  I would also like to be someone who would take my grandchildren on campouts.  I would be able to use things in nature to tell them about Jesus.  Have you ever thought that maybe you would be grandparents?
Love,
Noah

No parent is ever going to parent perfectly, and I'm so very aware of how often I fail.  Journal entries like this encourage me, though, as I get insights into how Noah thinks about the world and his future.  I sometimes miss the sweet little toddler that he was, but I love to see God at work in his life and am so proud of the young man he is becoming (often in spite of his imperfect parents).  I can't wait to see what his future holds, and if the world lsts that long, I think he's probably going to be a pretty amazing Grandpa!

Reality Check

On Sunday morning, Rosie came into the bathroom for some help fixing her hair.  Having arrived, she sat down on the chair and watched me finish getting ready for church.  After a couple of minutes, she stuck her head out of the bathroom door and shouted to the rest of the family, "Mommy is really beautiful today!"

From the kitchen, Nathan shouted back, "Mommy ALWAYS looks beautiful, Rosie!"

I was feeling pretty good until we were driving to church, when Gareth asked me if I had heard the conversation.  I repeated what they had said, and then he filled me in on Nathan's other comment (made somewhat more quietly), "Well, except for days like yesterday when she cleaned house all day and  just stays in her pajama pants".

This boy will definitely keep me grounded!

Soda Crackers

I've mentioned before that as part of their writing curriculum, the boys keep a journal that we write back and forth to each other in.  This week, Nathan's journal assignment was to write about a time when he was sick.  This was his entry:

Dear Mommy,

Remember when I was sick at Grandma and Grandpa's house?  You said I started throwing up when I was aslee.  I wished I hadn't eaten so much.  You and Dad took care of me until 2:00 in the morning.  I did not feel good.  I was sick for about a day and a half.  I did like the fizzy drink.  And the soda crackers were okay, but they are not my favorite things to eat.
                  
                                                                                                                                                         Love,
                                                                                                                                                          Nate

P.S.  I would NEVER live on soda crackers.

Such typical Nathan!  He never fails to leave me smiling.

Absence

There has been so much that I have thought about writing over the last couple of months.  So many sweet things that the munchkins (who have decided that they are too old to be munchkins, and will be Yaehoos instead--how on earth do you spell Yaehoo, anyhow?) have done and said.  But, I just really haven't had the heart for it.

Blogging about life is great--when life is great.  Blogging about life is hard when life is hard, especially as there are some things that, out of respect for others, probably aren't appropriate to air in public  .  Unfortunately, we had a really "interesting" holiday period that concluded with some really difficult relationship issues.  I don't think this is probably an appropriate place to air the issues or the frustration, anger, and pain that they have brought about.  Suffice it to say that those you love the most have the power to hurt you the most.

January and February have been months of much soul-searching, praying, and making some really hard decisions about what boundaries need to be drawn for the sake of our children, our marriage and me, personally.  This has to rank up there as one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Knowing that there are steps you need to take that are going to not be understood and will cause pain even when you don't want to are never easy, even if they are right.  Having to admit to yourself just how broken people can be and just how much "junk" you are carrying around from history isn't fun, and figuring out how to not allow others to blame you for their bad behavior and denial of their wrong choices is no picnic, either....  

Gareth is a rock!  I know that the world in general take a dim view of a Biblical definition of marriage with a husband leading and a wife submitting.  I, though, am so grateful for his willingness to take the lead, make the hard decisions, and to do so in a loving, gentle way that makes submission easy.  The kids are doing well.  They know that there were some problems, but overall, I think we have been able to shield them from their natural curiosity and the issues that they aren't yet old nough to need to deal with.      

For those of you who know and love our family, I'm sure that we would all appreciate your prayers as we try to live out some hard choices in a gracious, God-honoring way  that leaves room for reconcilation should situations change.

Too vague?  Too dramatic?  My apologies, in advance.   And now, back to our more typical posts! 

A Kayleigh Milestone

Kayleigh has made SO much progress lately!  I know that I really need to sit down and write a post bringing the blog up-to-date with all that has happened with her over the last year, but thinking about writing it all down is kind of over-whelming.  So for now I guess I'll just try to post about current happenings.

 

My apologies that the picture quality isn't great (in my defense I was trying to snap pictures with 1 hand while I tried to minimise the mess-making), but I thought that you might like to see what Little Miss K and I have been working on this week:

 

 

Don't let that annoyed look fool you!  She was having a good time until I got the camera out. 

 

 

 Success!  With only Mommy's finger under her arm for guidance she managed to get a scoop of Cream of Wheat and got it in her mouth.

 

And then, on to a bite managed all by herself.   Can you see the the smile behind the spoon and the cereal?  Success tastes great, and so does Cream of Wheat with butter and brown sugar!

 

She fed herself her whole breakfast with only medium support from Mommy.  By the time we were done I was wearing as much cereal as she was, but we sure had fun.  And the pride she took in her accomplishment was so obvious!  So proud of my girl!

 

 

 

Answered Prayer

Noah has never enjoyed writing.  Creative writing, essays, letters, you name it.  He hated it all.  From kindergarten on, it has been a daily struggle and a source of much frustration and many tears from both of us.  He is such a good student in every other aspect, but writing assignments have never failed to produce wailing and gnashing of teeth.  I knew he could do it, but have really struggled with how to help him become the excellent writer I was sure he could become.  

One of the (many) reasons we chose to home-educate our children was the freedom that it would give us to individualise each child's education, using their natural learning style as a guide, challenging them where they excelled, and providing extra support if they struggled. 

English and writing are definitely where Noah struggled.  In every other subject, Noah did great regardless of curriculum-choice or teaching style.  But over the past 5 years, I have gone through 7 different curriculums/writing programs, hours of brain-storming, and lots of prayer as I tried to find a solution to the nightmare that writing had become.

At the beginning of 2012, we made a complete change of curriculum for Noah and ordered Bob Jones Univeristy's Distance Learning program.  It was a huge change of pace for both of us and felt a bit risky as 50% of their Language Arts curriculum is dedicated to the writing process.

As part of his spelling curriculum, Noah writes a journal to me each Thursday.  The topic is assigned, a few questions to get him thinking are provided, and the rest is left up to him.  When we made the switch, he really disliked journal days and his entries were perfunctory at best.  This year, he has begun to enjoy writing in his journal and really looks forward to receiving my replies.  I enjoy the chance to read about what he thinks and feels about all sorts of topics.  And this week's journal made my heart so happy!  It read:

Dear Mommy Dearest,

My favorite subject is English.  I enjoy it, because we have writing chapters.  I like to learn new things.  I have learned how to plan a persuasive essay.  I think my least favorite subject is art.  I am not good at art.
                     

                                                                                                                                          Cordially,

 

Your big boy Noah

 

What?  English is his favorite subject?  And he enjoys it because of the "writing chapters"?   This is progress I never expected.  I was just praying that God would help him to learn to write without hating it!  Thank you God for answering above and beyond what I asked.  And, thank you BJU press for providing the perfect curriculum for my boy.

 

P.S.  Yes, he calls me "Mommy Dearest" most of the time.  No, I don't bribe him to do so :)

 

The Cort Gester

Part of Nathaniel's handwriting assignment for today was to write a letter to Gareth and I.  He was looking especially pleased with himself when he finished and couldn't wait for me to grade his work.  It didn't take me long to see why:

 

It's good to be queen!  It's even better to have my own personal "cort gester"!    

Resurrecting the Blog

Wow, it's been a long time!  After I closed the blog last Spring, I didn't intend to blog again.   Time has become a rare and precious commodity, and I had grown tired of dealing with the unsolicited opinions that can sometimes come from choosing to share your life and personal choices openly.

But, I have missed blogging.  I have missed having one central location to record all of the happy little moments and precious memories that we are making.

So much has happened in the last 18 months.  It hasn't always been a smooth journey, but it has been an incredible time of seeing God turn us into a family of 6, work to grow our faith and trust, and to provide for our needs. 

In Luke 19:40 Jesus said, “If we keep quiet (and don’t praise God), the stones will cry out.”

Samuel used stones as a memorial when he wanted God’s people to remember His goodness and faithfulness. First Samuel 7:12 says that when God enabled the Israelites to defeat the Philistines, the Prophet Samuel “took a stone and … named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far has the Lord helped us.’”

Joshua also used stones to help God’s people remember His goodness. After wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, the Israelites experienced the power of God to roll back the waters of the Jordan River, enabling them to cross over and take possession of the Promised Land. Joshua then commanded them to build a memorial of stones as a public testimony of what God had done for them.

In a way, this blog is my stone of remembrance: a place to record all of the sweet, small everyday family moments that I cherish and to record all that has happened and all that God has done, a memorial to record for my familyour story of God's goodness and provision.  

 

If you happen to read this, then welcome (or welcome back).  I can't promise to blog every day, and it is going to take a while to catch up on all that has happened, but it's good to be back and I can't wait to get started. 

Randomness that Leads into Making Yogurt

I've fallen in love with a foreigner. Now given my history of marrying an Englishman , adopting an Ethiopian, and then working on returning to adopt another Ethiopian, you might figure that falling in love with foreigners seems to kind of be par for the course. But this time, my love affair is with a Greek (yogurt to be more specific).

February was a LOUSY month. I have intermittent asthma. It's not really that big a deal. I only deal with it a couple of times a year. BUT, this year the asthma began acting up, and then my tonsils did too, and then to top it all off, I got bronchitis. 5 weeks worth of bronchitis. I did 1 round of antibiotics and an inhaler. That didn't work, so we began a 2 round of high-powered antibiotics and a steroid injection. That wasn't kicking it, so the Dr. added a round or oral steroids and a steroid inhaler. YUCK! I don't do antibiotics or steroids unless it is absolutely unavoidable. I'm grateful I had them, but not so grateful for the side effects. Antibiotics are hard on your stomach, so are steroids. They're murder on your energy and mental clarity, and steroids mean that I don't sleep, literally not at all for days in a row. Plus, they give me the most awful case of chipmunk cheeks (and no, I'm not going to post the picture that Noah took).

Having done so many rounds of them, my stomach was in agony. I wasn't hungry, wasn't really eating, but my stomach was still killing me. Enter the Greek. He was the only plain organic yogurt I could get at Target that day. I brought him home, drizzled him with raw honey, and Oh My Goodness. I fell in love. It's all I ate for several days. My stomach was so much better.

Then, I ran out. I went back to Target, and they didn't have any. So I bought Activia. It was SOOO nasty tasting after having had the real stuff, and it didn't deal with all of the stomach trouble. So, I went back to Target the next day and bought the real deal (and being a little bit more clear-headed than I had been on my first trip, I was horrified to find that it cost me almost $5 for a 2-day supply. I bought one small container and went back home and googled making yogurt. Hurrah for Google!

I found a great web-site that talked about making yogurt in a crock-pot. Then I found another one that talked about how to make Greek yogurt out of regular yogurt. I've tweaked both of them, and after a couple of rounds of practice, I am in love with making Greek yogurt. It is time-consuming, but it's not hard at all. And, there is something extremely self-satisfying about making your own yogurt. It is now the munchkins' favorite thing. So much their favorite thing, that I now make it a gallon at a time! For breakfast, we put a cup of it in a bowl, slice in fresh fruit, drizzle it with honey or real maple syrup, and then sprinkle it with granola. So good, and I love feeding my kids a really healthy breakfast that they think is a huge treat!

So, for anyone who has stuck it out for this long, here's how you, too, can make Greek yogurt in your crock-pot.

Making yogurt is a bit time-consuming. It is best to start in the morning on a day when you will be home for at least the first 6-8 hours. For the first day:

1. You will need 8 cups of whole milk (preferrably organic and not ultra-pasteurized), 1/2 cup of plain, all-natural Greek yogurt (I use Fage), a crock-pot, and a thick bath towel.

2. Plug in your crock-pot, turn it on low, and add your 1/2 gallon of milk. Cook for 2 1/2 hours.

3. Unplug your crockpot, leave the lid on, and allow to cool for 3 hours.

4. After 3 hours have passed, scoop out 2 cups of the warm-ish milk and whick together with the 1/2 cup of yogurt. After you have removed all lumps, return the milk and yogurt mixture to the crock-pot and stir in well.

5. Replace the lid of the crock-pot, cover the entire crockpot with a thick towel (to help insulate), and leave to sit until the next morning. I've left it to sit for only about 8 hours, which made a thin yogurt. I like it best left to sit for about 14-16 hours, which does require you to make it in the morning so that it has the afternoon, evening, and all night to culture.

At this point, you will have plain yogurt. If you like it thinner, you can stop here.

But, if you have a passion for really thick, Greek-style yogurt, then the next morning:

1. Take a large strainer and place it over a large glass bowl. Layer cheesecloth, a coffee filter, (or like me, an old clean white dish towel) into your strainer. You do need to be careful that what-ever you use as your filtering medium doesn't have any fabric softener or other odors to it, as these will be transferred to your yogurt.

2. Give the yogurt a stir, and then carefully pour it into the strainer. Cover it with the remaining towel orcling film, and place the entire thing in the refrigerator. Every 2 hours, drain off the liquid that you have strained out (this is the whey). I feed it to our dog, as it is an excellent source of protein and good bacteria. Continue to strain until the yogurt has reached your desired consistency. My latest batch (I doubled it and made a gallon) I strained for about 10 hours and got a REALLY thick Greek yogurt. For a gallon of milk, I strained until I had about 2 quarts of whey drained off.

Cost for 2 cups of Fage greek yogurt, about $5. Cost ingredients for 2 quarts of homemade Greek yogurt (or 4 quarts of regular yogurt) about $6. And, that is using organic milk. If you used the plain stuff, it could be even cheaper. Now, don't forget to reserve a little bit of your homemade yogurt to use as the culture for your next week's yogurt making!

Here is a picture of the finished product. I had to snap this picture really quickly. The munchkins couldn't wait to get their spoons into it!

Now, it's off to make some lemon curd to have with tomorrow's yogurt!

Risk Vs. Safety

I've been struggling with bronchitis for a couple of weeks, so Sunday night found me at home on the couch. When Gareth came home from church he was SO excited. As we have prayed and confirmed our desire to follow God's leading even when it didn't make sense to people watching from the outside, I have also prayed that God would strengthen our faith. And He has. Over the week-end, He led me to several Scripture passages, and then, Gareth came home saying, "You should have been there. You have to hear this! It's just what we've been talking about!"

Our church's youth pastor was speaking on Sunday evening. I hope you'll take the time to listen, it's good stuff: The Myths of Risk vs. Safety (You might want to scroll down and pause my playlist-first).

No Ifs

After last week (see previous post), I sat down with Gareth to confirm with him that he still believed that we were doing the right thing. How much I love that man! His quiet confidence that we are doing what is right and that God will care for us and for Kayleigh is such a comfort right now. Having had several sleepless nights as my brain worked overtime, I asked God to calm my heart and confirm His will concerning this adoption. And He has. I'll post more later about some of the things that I am learning and what Gareth and I have talked about, but for now I want to share with you a couple of quotes that He brought to mind as I lay thinking. They are taken from some reading I did several years ago, books by Corrie ten Boom:

"There are no "ifs" in God's kingdom. No places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety."-Betsie ten Boom

"There are no "ifs" in God's kingdom. His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding place. Lord Jesus, keep me in your will. Don't let me go made by poking around outside it." -Corrie ten Boom

Powerful stuff! Especially powerful if you remember that these 2 sisters lived during the Nazi occupation of Holland, and along with their father, helped to hide Jews from the Nazis, a choice that landed them in a concentration camp and ultimately cost Betsie and her father their lives.

It may not make sense to those who do not love and serve our Savior, but how comforting the knowledge that in God's will we can find perfect peace and safety.

Processing and Confessing

Warning, I'm probably about to do some confessing and maybe even some ranting here. If you're after warm and cuddly you might want to leave now and check back in a couple of days. But for now, writing is one of the ways that I process things best, and so I'm attempting to work through some of the stuff that's been going on lately that I can't seem to get out of my head.

For some reason, it would seem that choosing to adopt a child with special needs means that we're now fair targets for lots of opinions. Usually they start with, "I'm sure you've already thought about this..." or "I'm only thinking of what's best for you (or her), or "I know I must not try to influence you.." or "I'm not going to interfere, but I just have to say this", or "I'm only saying this because I love you" etc..... (Note to self: If you ever feel the need to preface a comment with one of these, think REALLY hard about whether or not you go ahead and say anything.)

It's been really hard. Not so much for Gareth, he seems to be able to let it roll off his back and remain mostly unruffled by it. Me, well, not so much.

When we first began to tell people that we were adopting again, we had several "interesting" conversations with people who didn't necessarily think it was a good idea. And then things kind of died down and there were far more people who were really excited and happy for us. I kind of got over the initial sting of the hurtful comments (or so I thought) and carried on. Then last week, there was another string of less than positive comments about this adoption.

Over the past several days, I've been trying to decide why it is that these phone calls/letters/conversations in passing hurt so much. I'm not sure I've arrived at a complete understanding of it, although I think I know what part of it is. I like to view myself as a mature, responsible, reasonably intelligent person. And Gareth certainly falls into the mature, responsible, and intelligent categories. When I look at our marriage, I believe it to be one of the strongest ones I know. When I think about our little family, I think of how much we love our children and all of the ways we work to intentionally love, train, and care for our children.

So when I hear these comments, what I don't hear is how much we are loved. What I do hear is: You obviously haven't really thought about this. You're really selfish to make your other children bear this burden. You're not really very responsible. You and Gareth aren't capable of making a wise choice and need me to show you all the reasons why your decision is wrong. And so on. And so on. And so on.

See the problem? It's pride. There I've said it. It's an ugly little word and an ugly thing to have to admit. But a big part of why I have been so upset by the "helpful" comments is that I resent the implication that we're not big enough, mature enough, responsible enough, thoughtful enough, and don't love our other children enough to be able to have made this decision without the opinions from people who weren't asked for them but somehow have the "right" to interfere while saying that they're not. Is that their problem? Well, maybe a little bit, but mostly it's mine. I can't control other people's thoughts or comments, but I can, with God's help, control my attitudes and thoughts.

I know that at least some of the comments come from people who love us or at least love our other children. I'm working really hard at trying to hear that, instead of taking it as criticism and an insult to Gareth and me. But, I've obviously still got work to do. It is very humbling to realize just how far I still have to go in this journey to become more Christ-like.

Lord help me, not just to keep my mouth shut,but instead to put a genuine smile on my face, kindness on my tongue, and humility in my heart. Even when I have no doubt that we are making right choices, help me to accept criticism and "help" with a gracefulness and a love that can only come from You. Empty me of me, so that I can be filled with You!

Scenes From A Winter Snow Storm

Every winter since we moved to Oklahoma, we've had snow or ice and native Okies have told us, "This is really unusual. It never does this!" We no longer believe them :)

This is our 4th winter here, and this is how we've spent the last week!

It is beautiful! We have enjoyed looking at it. We've got 4 and 5 foot snowdrifts around our house and yard.

Then last night, it began to dump on us again. Thankfully, we only got 5-6 inches today. Gareth still didn't make it to work, but at least it wasn't like just north of here where they picked up 20 more inches!

Rosie and I have been sick, so we haven't been out and about playing in it, but the boys got to do some sledding and snow ball throwing. But even they are beginning to long for a bit of warm weather.

Thankfully, they're predicting 50 and 60 degree weather for the week-end, so maybe we'll melt some of this white stuff and get to play outside for more than 15 minutes before we're completely frozen!

we JUST LOVE coffee

It's true. As I have added children to the household, coffee has become an important part of my morning. Sadly, my favorite coffee (the stuff I brought back from Ethiopia with me) is gone.

But now, thanks to the a fellow Ethiopia adoptive family's great idea, I can order freshly roasted Ethiopian coffee. Better yet, it's fair trade AND organic! And best of all, every bag of coffee goes to help support orphans. Part of the price from each bag is donated Kids' Care Orphanage (where I met our sweet Kayleigh girl). And, for every bag of coffee sold from our storefront, $5 will be donated to help us fund Kayleigh's adoption.

You can check it out at: http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheMoffatts

In Awe

My chiropractor's office is the BEST! When they heard about our adoption, they quickly arranged to organize a fund-raiser for us. Next week, they are hosting a patient appreciation day and all of their proceeds that day will go to us. And, if that wasn't awesome enough, Sally(the office manager) solicited donations and has put together a silent auction for that day, too.

Her goal is to raise $500. Every couple of days I hear from her about what donations are coming in, ideas she's had, etc... Yesterday I got home from the library and had a phone message from the chiropractor's office saying they needed to talk to me about something.

I called them, and Sally said, "You know I told you that one of our patients said she couldn't make it in on the day of the fund-raiser but that she wanted to do something to help? Well, she just stopped by and dropped off a check for you. Do you want to come pick it up? By the way, the check is for $500!"

I'll admit it freely. I went into the office and had a little cry. Then, I called Gareth at work and left what was almost certainly an incomprehensible message. Seriously, a complete stranger gave us $500! Turns out, she and her husband tried to adopt internationally before and their agency closed, then a domestic adoption didn't work out when the birthmother changed her mind at the last minute. God has blessed them with an unexpected pregnancy after years of infertility, and they are passing the blessings on.

This adoption thing is a big step of faith for us. For lots of reasons, international adoption is expensive (another blog post for another time). Having tightened every part of our budget, allocated all spare resources, and counted the adoption tax credit, we are still about $8000 short of what it will cost us to fund this adoption. We have gone into it believing that God has called us to be Kayleigh's family and that somehow He will provide.

Today, he provided through a complete stranger. Of all the ways that I have thought of that the money might show up, this was definitely not on my radar!

How awesome is our God, providing for our needs in completely unexpected ways at unexpected times. Reminding me that it's all His anyway and that He can do more than I could ever think or imagine!

Today, I am praising God for His faithfulness and thanking Him for the kindness of strangers.

From the Mouth of Nathan

One of these days I'm sure that someone's going to suggest that really this is Nathan's blog, as his quotes appear more often than anything else. But, in my defense, he just has so much to say right now (and most of it is really funny)!

Take for instance, my conversation with him earlier this week. I had just laundered the sheets and was getting his bed freshly made just in time for him to crawl into it.

"Right Nathan", I say, "I've got fresh sheets on and the bed neatly made. Now, how about not messing it all up and destroying it on the first night. Not quite so much wriggling and humping about, okay?" His reply: Mommy, that's REALLY hard to do when you're a Nathan!

Oh, I love that boy! What am I going to do with him, though? He's funny, and he knows it!

Thankfully, he hasn't figured out trying to use funny to get himself out of trouble, though. It wouldn't work, but it sure would be hard not to laugh!

From the Mouth of Nathan

Quote of the day, courtesy of Nathan: Sometimes, I think I'm a genuis.

Where does he come up with this stuff?